This is not the end
by Psad
Summary: Winston Churchill once said "This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Could it be true for them ? Welcome to the journey of Marty and G.
1. Chapter 1

So first and foremost, I'm french so for any mistake : je suis désolée !

Then, I need to say that there will be another chapter but I'm not sure when. I'm preparing for a national competitive examination and it's in eleven days (kill me now please!).

But for now : bonne lecture. Enjoy !

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« I think you should leave. » It was the first thing said in ten minutes and what had been a joke in the beginning had quickly turned into something else. It was not an argument. There was no yelling, just this slow realization making Marty feel cold all the way to his bones. He could see in his head his heart turning to ice and slowly breaking.

"I'm not leaving Deeks, it's 3 am."

"Let me reformulate that : I want you to leave Callen."

"Why ? Just because I don't want the team to know ? Come on man, are you serious ?"

Marty looked at the man inside his bed and thought about all the things he had tried to ignore this past few months. The fact that Callen was always on Sam's side when Sam gives Marty a hard time for being "a cop". The fact that the only times Callen takes any initiative in their relationship, it's to initiate sex. The fact that Callen would not let him use any name but Callen, even in private. In his head, Marty calls him G, sweetheart, gorgeous... He did try to call him love once but it had not gone too well. It seems like every little things that bothered Marty had suddenly become an insurmountable obstacle.

"I am. I want you to leave and it's not because you don't want to tell the team. _I_ don't want to tell them. It's just that… Damn, I… It's not because you don't want to, it's because you don't even _think_ about it. You said it yourself : it's just not going to happen. Well, I may not want to tell them right now but I thought about it, I think about it, often. I try to imagine how they will react, what they will say, what choice I would have to make. Would I go back to the force or to being a lawyer if we can't be on the same team anymore?" Marty stopped a moment to breathe and look at Callen. And all he saw in Callen's eyes just makes him surer about what he's doing. Even if it hurts like hell, it's the right decision for him. Maybe even for them both. "But you, you Callen, you don't even think about telling them. It's like there is nothing to say, like there is nothing at all, like you don't have to think about telling them because it's not something important or because you know it's going to end. It's like even in your mind we don't stand a chance. I think I finally understand why you sometimes act like you don't care about me, it's because you don't… Please, leave. I'll see you at work." Marty turned over and tried to go to sleep, listening Callen leave.

Callen sat in Marty's bed for what seems to be a lifetime, listening to Marty until there was no other choice but leaving. He played with the idea of going home for a while but like he said to Marty it was past 3 am, and insomniac or not, he doubted his ability to sleep after that. Callen had been shocked into silence by Marty's monologue.' _He thought about going back to be a lawyer if we can't stay on the same team… But he loves NCIS and he loves to work with us, does that mean that he loves me more ? Does he love me ? Oh God, he loves me ! And he thinks I don't care about him. Do I care ? Of course I care, he's my team-mate… Is that the only reason I care ?_ 'Callen was so lost in his thought that he didn't see Eric and Nell coming in three hours later.

"Hey Deeks, you're late. Again." That got Callen's attention. Marty was here and Sam was already reprimanding him and it seems like Kensi was going to add something, Callen hoped they'll let him out of it. He didn't quite know how to behave. Should he act like nothing happened ? It could comfort Marty into thinking he doesn't care. Should he defend Marty ? It would seem strange to Sam and Kensi…

"Did you have a hot date ? Or maybe not, you don't look extra happy… So she didn't want that last drink to your apartment, eh ?" Kensi looked at Sam and both laughed at Deeks.

"AH AH AH. You're so funny. And really, a gentleman never tells…" Deeks was smiling and if Callen didn't know better, it would have said that nothing happened last night. It seemed like Marty was really good at concealing what he was feeling, like all the things he said last night. How could he have never thought about Marty's feelings on their relationship ? Callen was always in the moment, few thoughts of yesterday, even less of tomorrow but he knows that's just who he is and that it's not how the majority of people view their life. He should have known better. He should have done a lot of things differently, he should have started by calling him Marty –he always calls him Marty in his head but he just realized that he never did in reality, maybe once but not when it counted.

"Callen ? Callen !" Sam's voice interrupted Callen's thoughts and when he looked at them he saw that they were looking at him strangely, especially Sam. "Are you alright ?"

'Damn', it was so going to be a long day…


	2. Chapter 2

Bonjour tout le monde ! Comment ça va ?

Thanks everyone for following this and for the reviews ! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as the last. See you soon for chapter 3 ;)

Bonne lecture.

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Callen thought that the first few days would be the worst : not really knowing how to act, not wanting to comfort Marty into thinking he didn't care but, at the same time, not wanting to act differently by fear of rising suspicion. For the entire week, he got this foreboding feeling. His head couldn't stop thinking horrible scenarios where Marty was kidnapped, hurt or badly injured just for Callen to realize too late that he loved him. However, nothing much happened that first day. Marty got an LAPD case and maybe he was a little too eager to answer his LAPD phone and leave headquarters but maybe it was just in Callen's head... They didn't get to see him for two days after that but he got back without a scratch, though that didn't stop Callen's feeling of impending doom.

Day after day, this feeling stayed with him and even if he tried not to think too much about all this, his thought always came back to the same point : he might realize too late that le loves Marty. It makes Callen remember something that Hetty told him once : 'hating someone is quite easy, Mister Callen, it is to love that is the most difficult, especially for one who had never been loved before.' Hetty's words had a way to come back to you when you least suspect it, it is not always unwelcome but it is not really always helpful either.

A few weeks passed and instead of getting better, Callen slept less and less, thoughts running round and round inside his head. 'Was he right ? Do I not care about him ? No, of course not, he's wrong, I care. I care a lot. I really liked the time we had together. Were we together ? I've never really date anyone for real… Was it what we were doing ? Dating ? I should talk to him, say that I care… No, I shouldn't talk to him, I should talk to someone else or, better, I should listen someone talk about their feeling and see if what I feel is normal. Yeah G, do that, it's not weird at all... So, I should talk to someone about my feeling ? Yeah, but maybe I should know what I feel for that plan to work…' Callen's nights were restless and his days were tensed. Something needed to happen. And fast.

###

Deeks was doing his best to not let the others, and especially Callen, see how bad he was. At the beginning, he thought it was the break up that made him sick. He was always tired and never hungry. On the days he convinced himself to eat to regain energy, he just throw it all back up before he could finish his plate. It was painfully ridiculous : he was lovesick, or so he had thought the first two weeks, now he wasn't so sure. Well, he _was_ lovesick, he misses G like crazy, but there might be another reason for all the sickness. Hetty thought he might be ill again. And, really, wouldn't that be dandy to relapse when his life was already so… Wrong might be a little too strong a word but it isn't right for sure.

Sam was always on his back, always ready to point every little thing he thought Deeks did wrong. Kensi keep throwing looks at him like she couldn't fathom what to do with him. Nell and Eric were…Nell and Eric. And Callen, ah Callen ! Callen looked trouble at best but Deeks tried to not look in his direction most of the time. He feared that if he so much as glance at Callen, he wouldn't be able to stop looking –ever.

The only one Deeks felt comfortable with this day was Hetty. No need for mask, games or lies with her. Hetty always knows everything so Deeks has no need to hide in her presence. And every cup of tea in Hetty's company felt like a breath of fresh air. It was like surfing. Hetty, in Deeks' mind, is like the sea, she takes you like you are and threat you the same way she would threat anyone. As much as he likes to tease everyone about being her favorite, Deeks has no doubt that what she did for him, she would do for anyone.

###

Kensi and Sam were both worried about their partners. Deeks was not himself. If you didn't know him like Kensi did, you wouldn't remark it, but she did. She couldn't say exactly when it started, maybe two or three weeks ago. She couldn't really pinpointed the moment she realized that there was a problem with Deeks or, rather that Deeks had problems.

She didn't know what it was but it makes him lose weight, his smiles were shadowed. But whatever was his problem, it was perfectly clear that he didn't want the team to know. She thought that maybe Hetty knew because Deeks seemed to be called at her desk more than ever and, well, because she's Hetty.

Except that, if Hetty knows, why is the situation worse than a week ago ? Kensi thought that today would be the day to get answers, she'll ask Deeks what is wrong and hopefully, he'll answer. After all, he doesn't make as much an effort to mask himself when they were alone.

For Sam, it was different. Callen didn't try to hide that he had a problem. He was perpetually in a bad mood and when Sam asked what happened, he answers that it was his problem, not Sam's and that Sam couldn't do anything about it even if Callen would have like him to have all the answers.

One month of a moody Callen and Sam would be ready to kill him himself if G didn't look like someone kicked his puppy. And really, Sam thought, only G could look like that while giving this strong vibe of imminent danger. Sam tried to find what was wrong but Callen was nothing if not a stubborn bastard. So, Sam watched, closely. He'll be ready to catch Callen when the need arise.


	3. Chapter 3

Today was a good day G decides. The weather was really good, he had a big breakfast and he was on time for all his paperwork so, he could go to the gym if they didn't have a case. "Good morning Los Angeles !"

"Why are you smiling ?" ask Sam with a suspicious look.

"Yeah Callen, why are you smiling ? There really nothing worth smiling at this time of day !"

"Didn't you see ?"

"See what?"

"The sky is blue, the sun shines and the birdies are singing…" Callen answers with a cheeky grin while trying to catch a glimpse of Deeks.

"You know, with you in a so good mood after so many weeks of a _not so good_ mood, I would have think I was dreaming but then Deeks being late again tells me otherwise... Maybe we should offer him an alarm clock…"

"You might want to consider the fact that Mister Deeks is not so late as he is not and will not be here today Mister Hanna. In fact, he will remain absent for the next three weeks and I must ask you to try _not_ to contact him. Now, there is a case waiting to be solve upstairs." Hetty said, appearing behind Callen.

"What ? But, Hetty, where's Deeks ? Is he on an LAPD case ? Maybe we can help him, can't we do something ?"

"Of course you can do something Miss Blye. You can go in OPS and solve the case. The terrorists won't put themselves away. Please, proceed." Hetty was a truly exceptional leader, she didn't need to raise her voice to make people do what she wants them to do. But as good as she was at leading, she was better at being a spy. So many years perfecting the art : collecting information, making people forget the question they wanted to ask and hiding, hiding herself and hiding her feelings…

Today, Henrietta Lange was really grateful for the ability to hide her worry. After seeing Marty throw up the only thing he ate that day, she asked him to rest for the week-end and to make an appointment at the clinic in the week. After he had refused –which didn't surprise her in the least, she made an appointment herself and told him that he was on a three weeks holiday, like it or not. He seemed more relieved than frustrated and that, more than anything else, was worrisome.

That was Friday and she phoned him yesterday (Sunday) to be sure he would go to his appointment today. She wondered briefly what would come of it before going back to working. Her major team had a case and they were one man down, they'll need all the help she could provide.

Marty woke up feeling somewhat better. He was as much tired as he was yesterday before going to the clinic and he didn't eat at all last night but he wasn't worried about his day, which was a slight improvement. Although he knew he should get up, take his phone and tell Hetty the result of his meeting with the doctor, Marty just stayed where he was. Lying in his bed, he was bathing in the good feeling of knowing he didn't have to go to work today : no LAPD, no NCIS, no need to hide his sickness… While he did love his jobs, the last few weeks had been hard on Marty. The constant nagging of Sam and the lack of recognition at the LAPD were running him down. Of course, he was no novice on that sort of treatment but the break up with Callen and the sickness made it harder to deal with all this crap.

Well, there was two good things to this day. One, he didn't need to worry about work. And two, the doctor was confident that his sickness was not the result of a relapse and that the matter should be settle with a minor operation. If the operation was not really good news, it was better than the alternative. When he was younger, the x-ray of a broken rib shows a tumor in Marty's stomach. Though the treatment was a success, Marty has never ceased to fear in a little corner of his head that he would one day be subject to a relapse and be forced to stop working in law-enforcement. Because even if he knew Hetty and LAPD would not let him go easily, a sick and tired cop was not a good cop.

Instead of what he had feared, the doctor said to him that he had a… Well, he didn't really remember what it was exactly but an operation and a few days of rest should do the trick and make him a new man !

After one hour, Marty thought about calling Hetty again and then started to worry because _she_ hadn't called him. She said Sunday that she wanted him to call as soon as he had news and she knew his appointment was yesterday. Really, how could she not know when she took it herself ? So why didn't she called last night when he didn't ? He hoped everyone was fine. Well, there was one way to know for sure.

"…Hetty ?"

"Detective, I fear now is not a good time for talking about our _affair._"

"What… Is everything alright Hetty, do you need help ?" There was a lot of noises behind Hetty and Deeks got the feeling that something was very wrong.

"While I appreciated the sentiment, that will be not necessary. It must seem worse from the outside than it is in reality. I just have many things to do at the moment Mister Deeks and I know you do too."

"I do ? Oh ! I do. So you already know for next Friday ?"

"Yes, in fact. (…) I must go. Take care of you Detective." Deeks didn't even have the time to answer, Hetty seemed really busy but if she had the time to gather information on his health, it couldn't be so bad. It was two days later, when the rumors of a terrorist cell being dismantle made the front news, that Marty realized what was keeping Hetty so busy that day. He felt the urge to call Callen, to check if he was ok, if he had been hurt. He called Hetty instead and swore to himself that he would not thing of Callen anymore until he had to go back to work.

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AN. Please note that I won't write medical details because I'm no doctor and it's not the purpose of this fic ;) I hope you still enjoy this story, have a good day !

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PS. I like fanfiction for the all the possibilities that canon do not offer, if you don't like Callen and Deeks "romance crap" don't read it but respect those who like it.


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